I Surrender!

Mike L.

{Cross-Posted at Israel Thrives and Geoffff's Joint, Bar and Grill.}

To My Jihadi Friends:

I surrender!

You have been in the Jew Killing Business for, what?, 1,400 years now? I must say, I think that you've done a splendid job. Just look at the Middle East. This huge expanse of land and the Jews only occupy some fraction of one percent of it. If you guys had not been so vigilant in your genocidal attempts against us, who knows how much of that land we might be living on today?

That is, you've done an exceptional job of keeping our numbers artificially low and you should be commended for your efforts. I'm sure that Big Daddy Allah is very proud of your work.

Oh, and by the way, I have to say that I find the argument that you made yesterday in Bulgaria to be quite compelling. Nicely done. Well said.

In any case, I surrender! I give up! Take me, I'm yours!

To My Progressive Friends:

I want to thank you for telling little Jewish kids that the reason that Jihadis seek to kill us is because we're mean to the Palestinians and that if only we would stop being mean to the Palestinians then they would stop trying to kill us. This is the message that you guys have been sending us for decades and I appreciate it very much. It's necessary for Jewish people to understand that the reason that Jihadis seek to kill us is because we aren't nice enough and that we need to redouble our efforts at niceness.

It's particularly important that Jewish children understand this.

I fully understand your moral superiority to the Jewish state of Israel, if not to Jewish people, in general, and will do what I can to make the bad Jews be more like the good Jews.

To the Good Jews:

The good Jews are my absolute favorite Jews.

These are Jewish liberals or progressives or leftists (or whatever) who agree with progressives, in general, that the real problem here is not the Jihadis (who they barely even acknowledge the existence of because to do so would make one a racist, a vile "Islamophobe"), but bad Jews.

The good Jews understand, along with progressives, that the problem is not radical Islam or Islamism or the Jihad... or any of that... but bad Jews who must be stopped at all costs. The problem is not anti-Jewish incitement emanating from throughout the Muslim Middle East, but Avigdor Lieberman.

Were it not for Avigdor Lieberman or Benjamin Netanyahu or the Likud there would be peace now and therefore what is necessary is excoriating these people and dragging their names and reputations through the mud and driving them out of public life by any means necessary, including, but not limited to, defamation of character.

So, I surrender.

You guys are right.

The Jihadis are right that Jews are the children of apes and pigs and need to be slaughtered wherever we might be found.

The progressives are right, with their profound sense of history, that the reason that the Jihadis seek to kill us is because we're mean to the Palestinians. If we weren't mean to the Palestinians the Jihadis would be as gentle as narcophied lambs.

And progressive Jews are right that the real problem is those Jews over there, the bad Jews. The Jews who believe in Jewish self-defense. The Jews who are willing to stand up for the Jewish people. Those Jews who insist upon living in Judea. Those Jews give all the rest of us a bad name, so it's no wonder that our non-Jewish progressive friends blame us for the violence against us because clearly we deserve it... but that's because of the bad Jews!

{'Scuse me. Must go throw up, now.}